reminiscing...

Some old blogs that I couldn't live w/out reading again, it's a good reminder of who you want to be...

Sunday, August 21, 2005

my prospects.... 有时候我觉得好累.想要的却得不到.但是我知道无论如何我都要成功为了我为了我家庭为了不让爸妈伤心.有时我真不只能不能成功.我有那么多要懂但是有那么少时见我要学着不矢时机

Friday, December 09, 2005

this would be very sweet Current mood: awake [ 1.] While I hold your hand. I'll play with your fingers. --------------anna: holding hands because you want to, not because it's an obligation to the relationship ..................lian: hold my hand and giv it a squeeze to let me know im on ur mind [ 2.] Tickle you & make you laugh. --------------anna: tickle me and not tackle me =) ..................lian: to see me giggle b/c u think i'm adorable, just dont make me hyperventilate [ 3.] Kiss you. --------------anna: kiss me and feel like it's the first time or like the last ..................lian: when u see me down, b/c you want to, b/c i make you happy [ 4.] And not only kiss you on the lips, but kiss you on the cheek and forehead too. --------------anna: kiss me in these places because it's cute and affection makes me feel special ..................lian: kiss me on those places then look me in the eyes, ill know if we're on the save wavelength, its called, "butterflies" [ 5.] Hold you by the waist. *this is a major plus ** --------------anna: the waist to show that you're there for me and that i can always have you to fall on ..................lian: hold me there and make all my worries go away *even if its for that one second*, reassure me no matter what the outcome [ 6.] Hug you while I'm behind you and rest my head on your shoulder. --------------anna: umm. that's nice too =P ..................lian: that's jus snuggly *_~ [ 7.] Whisper I love you in your ear. --------------anna: or sometimes "thank you" ..................lian: or sometimes "i missed you", "i love it when you do that"... i could go on... hahah [ 8.] Tell you you're beautiful. --------------anna: even though i pop buttons off and split jeans... that's a keeper ..................lian: haha even tho im clumsy n whiny n too spontaneous...*bad ways...* [ 9.] Look you in the eyes and smile when I'm thinking. --------------anna: look me in the eyes and letting me see that you love me just by a mere gaze ..................lian: look me in the eyes and let me feel warmth and happiness, then jus kiss me on the forehead... n ill know [ 10.] Tell you I never want to let you go. --------------anna: whoa! what if we need to ..1 or ..2. that's a bit far isn't it? ..................lian: hahah...hmm, i'm bad w/ commitment, this would start making me think...u dont want me thinkin...i over-analyze... only say this if you're married... ^_^ had to add it here 4 memory

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

im outta the country! wow... i haven't i haven't posted a blog in a while huh?... china...beijing, is great actually. i really like living on my own, and being away from hawaii, it has a different feel and i'm a different person altogether. i'm more productive, and theres more for me to do... i have more goals here that i'm focused toward, ambitions, and everything seems possible because the possibilities themselves in a country this size is limitless! After hearing about the test i comtemplated on moving here, but then i have to finish my BA and live in Japan too, so many after that... :) tibet was really cool, different and it definitely toughened me out considering out living situations, air, smell, everything! all the yaks, the diere butter, ehhh and the inscents, a bit too much for me but i toughed it out. it was cold too but i learned to live w/ it cuz i refused to be a tibetan coat b/c it wasnt my style and id never wear it again and i DID NOT want to lug it around! all in all, everythin's been good... i'm learning to deal w/ things, slowly but surely and everyday is a new surprise! maybe ill upload pics of yaks n monastaries ... n tibet later :) if ne1's in Beijing let me know! or even shanghai, ill be there soon enough!

Friday, October 06, 2006

INNER MONGOLIA!!!!! OMG! this was mooost def! the funnest trip! but i gotta thank every1 who came w/ me too! of course it wasnt as fun during the trip but now tht i think back about it, it was allllll worth it... the Yurt: Baoto was very cold at night..and the beds or rocks we slept on (exageratin a bit...) were very uncomfortable but the sunrise n sunsets were sooo beautiful but the horses were very sad and lifeless tied up next to the poles... soccer and frisbee were fun even tho i sucked and got slapped on the ass numerous times!!... tht wasN'T fuN! lol... oh yah u could play soccer w/ the horse doodoo too.. lol tht was gross but exciting! there were horse doodoo piles everywhere! every 10 steps! and the RMB50 cent bathroom was disgusting! so at night we just went behind our tents! lol... 1 lesson in china: free bathrooms are usually less stinky and cleaner than paid bathrooms... but when it came to morning, w/ the sun out and people about, i couldnt go behind the tent.. didnt wanna risk tht one.. haha so i had to do w/ the stinky bathroom, but it was good cuz the old man just cleaned it, less stinky than if u were to go later on the day. i'm tired and dont remember the rest of the names of the places, but the desert was very fun! we rode camels, sand slid, go carts, and the big plastic balls where the strap you in and roll u down a hill...that was helllla fuN!!!! surprisingly, the places we stayed werent tht bad, besides the stinky bathrooms... 1st night was a RMB20 hostel...blankets were gross so i just slept in my clothes...no showers either, but we already knew we werent gonna shower during the whole trip...one of the guys had to sleep separately cuz it was only 4 to a room :( 2nd night was the Yurt...heh very interesting.. and HELLLA freezing cold... had 52% rice wine... whooo that shit was strong! omg i took 2 sips and passed it on...heh and it wasnt in proofs...str8 52% alcohol.. the next day we met the cutest kids tht played frisbee and soccer w/ us...one was a crybaby tho, the other one has a lot of potential great soccer play and adorable and mature!... i wanna kid like tht.. lol 3rd nite: RMB10 hostel.. haha that one was a lil worse than the 1st night's ... our bathroom was the shower, so evidently no one showered and they didnt have hot water..heh but we all slept together in one room! :) that was fuN! we met a touchy sassy lil girl the next mornin too..one of the guys kept teasing her about not washing her face for 2 days and she got salty! lol it was funny...but dym, dont wanna kid like tht! then we went to the desert..very fun! ... and then took a sleeper train home... i can't wait for the next trip in May or July to Qinghai!!!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Beijing... 2nd home? Current mood: complacent I just read crystal's blog and I can't imagine it either. It's almost over, we do only have 6 wks left. I don't want to leave, it's like a dream here -- the freedom, makes everything worthwhile. I feel as if going back to Hawaii is like going back to a caged estate. But that doesn't mean that I dont love nor miss my family and friends, just that I'm not done growing and exploring on my own. I know that I won't be doing any of this if it weren't for my parents paying for everything. I owe them every ounce of happiness that I have found here. I know my duties as a daughter that's why I really look foward to coming back to Beijing, I didn't think i'd love it here so much, but I do. Maybe my friends have a bigger impact on my love of this place than I thought, but isn't it true that 'one can always make more friends?' i just dont like the idea nor feeling of my friends leaving, it's sad, but i'm also very excited to see my friends again in hawaii! :) I guess i shouldn't feel so bad b/c this is a place I can always come back to, and for that, I am tremendously thankful. I can't wait till I graduate and start my career here. Somewhere in China, Japan or Korea or anywhere else for that matter of fact. I can't believe i've grown so fond of this place! I can't wait to come back during New Years!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

blogs I've always understood the need for journals, blogs, diaries, etc. But never felt the need to humor myself and keep one as well, until now. I suppose there was never anything interesting enough happening in my life for me to announce it to the world or any one other person for that matter. Now, I wish to share my life-learning experiences with everyone I know (maybe not every1). It's like what Confuscius once said, "complete the task so one can speak from experience". I've completed things worth speaking about, but to write about them seems too time consuming. Isn't it enough that I know? When I contemplete that question now, the answer is obvious. Of course it's not enough, I want to tell the world. I need to record it, so that when I have amnesia or Alzhzimer's I have something to look back on and smile about. It's like history for any country or any thing existing in our plane, it's history needs to be recorded or the future or even our selves won't know the origin, and when that moment arrives, sadness and regret will follow. Now that I have convinced myself the importance of a blog, all I need is the diligence to upkeep this website. Where does diligence come from? Exciting events in life. So I guess I need to make my life more exciting, take more chances and do outrageous things... even if I get killed... right? We'll see where the line stops...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

ice cream in Beijing's Nov. Winter....... Current mood: okay Being that I recently started my 'intense' or basically just all day studying, the workload has become a tad bit overwhelming at times and the usual resorts would be smoking or a glass of wine, but neither of that is possible here. Smoking for obvious reasons... and wine? while studying? need I mention more? So instead... the creamy semisweet cone comes to the rescue. I am once again seduced by the luscious texture of the McDonald's vanilla cone. It's miraculous how the flavor and texture here is exactly the same as the states... even millions of miles away, the Leaders of McDonald's manages to maintain their worldly consistency, can't say the same for the rest of the food... It, in actuality is Better than the states, same goes for KFC! Isn't that something?! Started in the states, improved in China... this also seems to be the case for mass production of products ranging from agriculture to technology to nuclear energy parts... China does have the US at the tip of their toes... creeping up slowing to snatch the Tridant and become world power... ok, so I exagerated a bit up there...but as soon as China improves the rural living standards to match those in the city... the rest will fall into place. (keep in mind this is a very generalized perspective) With all the events China's holding worldwide, it really seems as if they're trying desparately to catch up with the times, in another words, make up for lost time; ie: WTO deal w/ New Zealand, Sino-African Summit, nuclear energy in Germany, Sino-Russian year, etc.... it is surprising... Aside from my economic ramblings... I am fearful that my studying is inadequate, and I may not reach the goal I'm aiming for... but with pressure comes doubt...then fear... then meltdown... and that is just a BAD positive reaction. I need to allocate, but then comes the fear of what if i can't complete in 1 day what I've allocated... I guess, this in itself is a downhill cycle already, One I Need to stop.... Happy note, I worked out today. That might be a good thing to add to my daily routine, help me relax, shake off the tension. Perk: gym w/ mirror wall to myself... :P Droopy note: 2 McD cones in a row i might add yesterday... 1 today... how much weight will I be gaining? ........ only stress and time can tell... scary... *shudders*

Friday, November 24, 2006

Thanksgiving w/ D22 'family' ...i gotta say china is my first for many things, and amongst them are these: my 1st thanksgiving out of the country... 1st one w/out a b/f (i think...)... most definitely, first one with members of a bar... very amusing, but it was a great experience.... Rambles of a moment I'm a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason: my friends leaving to travel, me staying behind b/c of the HSK... Long story short, everything has been a constant chain reaction here... not too fast where i can't catch my breath and find myself fainted on the floor sprawled out like a cabare singer that's been shot...(u know the infamous pose...if u dont oh well) ... but also not slow enough where I find myself dulled to the point of constant 'BBC - Boring Beijing Complaints'. Praising the Opposite Sex... Not surprisingly, a lot of the facination and excitment revolves around the 'indecisive confused sex (males)'...(not a man hater of course, just stating the obvious) and the sprewing Beijing nightlife which I have barely tasted, actually, I barely had the chance to even sniff this Pandora Box of wine let alone sip or taste it. Yet, from what I have learned and observed, it's another city of men and women whose beliefs may be entirely superficial or materialistic .... or on some great chance one may encounter someone who encompasses all that, but more, it's like finding the hidden door in the Lion, The Witch and the Waredrobe.... full of fascinating ideas, creativity, dreams and amibitions. Not just flabber full of politics, money, so where are you from, can I get in your pants, who do you know, you should meet so and so kind of mumble jumble. Of course this is a great way to network, but obviously, I'm not in the networking mood currently or else I wouldn't be bashing it. Seeing the Chaoyang and Sanlitun people just reminds me of how fake people are, espeically the guys! It's VERY amusing, personally, to Walk by a couple and have the man STARE at me while his girl is clinging to his arm. Or, some guy in a nice car just staring at you walk by, I mean can you BE MORE OBVIOUS???? Yah, looks are very complimenting, but I can only take so much when knowing that these looks are all about sex, baby can I touch you, get to know you...but just physically. It's very deterring. Just reminds me of how pathetic guys are sometimes. WOMEN....need I say more? all I can say is that the views from women are more harsh, scrutinizing, and glassy than men. This is a terriorty I don't think I could step into. They all seem like party acquiantences, no one that one can actually befriend and call a true friend. But that's ok.... I'm in a very gloomy mood obviously... Back to D22...

Friday, November 24, 2006

1 more b4 i go obviously since the countdown to Dec. 10... has started, im stressed, overwhelmed (this word has become second-nature now) and on the verge of killing myself or wishing i could... k i know i've said regret is for the weak, but expressing it isnt, its actually healthy, only when one dotes on it it's bad... but anyways ... i need to continue blabbering about my meltdown.... this test is really gonna kill me, if not send me to heaven at least.. lol i dont wanna go to lucifer's bed nemore ams!! lol (inside jk) i know its my fault tht i didnt take more studies more seriously sooner, but i guess i just never took it seriously until its in my face NOW, and time is starring at me laughing and taunting, giving me wicked sinster hopeless looks. God i'm soooo drab. It's the alcohol, i dont know why me, k im just sulking in my worries, better than sitting on my bed crying at least... god thinking about this test makes me want to cry seriously, i dont know. theres so much i dont know and so much i wish i had learned. but i never knew the importance of them until now, now tht im faced with it, now that im confronted with this devil called grammer, vocabulary and listening.... the 3 evils of the world that destroys lives. they stare down at you and force you to learn them, its like a father beating the analects into his child. thers no joy or love when time is not on ur side. i wish time would come back to me and soothe my worries, tell me tht its ok, ull get through this. but reality has put its dirty paws on me first, it's annihilated every ounce of will and hope i have, its brought me down to face its minion soilders of tiredness, worry, sorrow, anguish, fear, gloom, need i go on, or do u get the point? sorry my blogs arent so fun to read right now... but ud be like this too if u were me, feeling doomed for failure. if failure aligned with happiness, i would welcome it w/ open arms. except it hugs doom, shame, embarrassment to its chest closer than anything else. you couldnt even stick a THIN hair between failure and its buddies. My only hope is for water to slowly trickle through them and loosen up tht tight hold, in the end explode it like stars colliding in space. You know the Big Bang? That's gona be failure and its buddies being estinguished by water, the most calming element on earth and in spirit...... sorry, obviously i like to ramble and talk bubbles... but it does help int he procress of pursuading urself to calm down and think tht everything is ok. to envision water, just flowing and engulfing every crake and crease, as i will through my studies. immerse and surround for hopes or breakage and freedom. ok i think i should stop... tht worked a bit... calmer now i miss the beach, i really do.... never thought id say tht, but i do hope im a water element... tht would help me explain alot about life and my actions.... bye....

Thursday, December 14, 2006

self-reflection...back in HI #1 issue to avoid: falling into the "hawaiian time" void in Hawaii...thus a routine schedule is needed to avoid this feeling of 'what to do next?' even tho my schedule isnt as packed as others, there are still numerous things for me to accomplish...(dad wants me to learn arabic while learning chinese...how wonderous?)... my 1st day back: ate w/ amy, slept, drove mom to work, shopped (due to depression i was unaware of, prolly end up returning most of the shit) visited amy @ work, *best part of the night* we PopPed a bottle of Jordan and enjoyed it w/ VSOP Remy Martin Truffles and discussed our futures of conquering the world (male world @ least.. hahah =x j/j...*wink*) more importantly i've begun to relize the difference in myself this time coming back from China.... 1st time coming back from Shanghai, i was a nicer more innocent and kind person... this time, blunt, practical, realistic and driven... which do you prefer? i personally dont know, but do care. somtimes it has to be either or and with the way life is going now, the 2nd time might be winning... sorry if i seem more like a snob to people, but i just dont have the time or patience for ridiculous crap and senseless talk (certain gossip) i just dont see how some talk pertain to my life, and if its not gonna help in any way, why bother w/ it. people change, and my change this time may not be as well liked or received by others but that's none of my concern b/c my only goal right now is my language not ur happiness unless ur gona help me improve my language i see no need to be kind to you. but whatevers. falling asleep so time to end it now.. .vent about my trip next time

Monday, January 15, 2007

i guess u just never know... personally, i really feel like i hav good intuition about things going on or are about to happen and im usually pretty good about reading people or getting a feel for them and their personality. but theres some people..namely one...whom i can put my finger on. *'s such a good person, with a great personality and i have a great time w/ * when ever together but it always feels like *'s hiding somethn or theres a hidden side and secret to his motives. some of the things * says are just a facade or a scheme to con me into believing * words and trusting *. basically its jus sad tht i have to be alert talking to * and never fully trust him on any level. its just sad b/c *'s such a great person... but also, im not saying tht ive never done ne wrongs or hid nething myself. but...i hav my reasons to belive this about * and i know from experience, no mattter how much one trusts a person... (s)he should alsways still be very cautions at any point in time or of action..... and hey ... "lifes a bitch with no regrets" . - me

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Yikes! Recount of yesterday… Its awkward, whenever I set myself to start writing something, I blank out on what to write. But just this morning my mind was swiveling endlessly on subjects to divulge on, and now nothing. That's why the incessant babbling is present. One issue I meant to write about was pregnancy… I text J yesterday about feeling squeamish after eating Pizza Hut, reason being that I haven't touched anything that heavy in over 8 or 9 months, I believe. Then a video was shone in class, and I past out w/out even knowing that I was tired. Text him that occurrence as well, and the reply? No other than, YOU'RE PREGNANT! Queasiness & fatigue w/out knowing? First symptoms of pregnancy! My response? You're Crazy J! I am NOT!!!!! But his persistence was unwavering, not to mention the, no glove & no pill? That's a double whammy! Me? J you're Crazy! (once again) B/c that is ridiculous… But apparently, I start doubting myself… am I? Do I have a reason to be…? Hmmm… b/c I was just craving sweets the whole day, but said No! Until I decided I needed to be outside, in fresh air to study, and chose no other than, "Saturna Cakes" and in turn, I ended up w/ Apple Pineapple Pie a la mode… therefore, in this case, my cravings fed my doubt. At the same time, A gets a text from J: "Need your help K is pregnant!" A calls K, "is there something you're not telling me? Why is J telling me that you're pregnant?!" K, "he's just crazing…repeat of previous story" A, "you're just depressed" K, "but I was just craving cake and currently gesticulating" A, "you're depressed, com'on…" K, "No, I'm so over it!" A, "haha, you were just talking about it last night! But whatever, if you say you are" …moments pass, waiting for her to arrive @ cake place Now comes the dialogue of: "I just * it" "thought you were over it" "haha, I am, this is different" "Haha, you're so full of shit" "no I am, it's just a matter of aesthetics and wanton, Haha!" Then… I reveal to her the reason X is dancing hula, a table down from us and the perpetual vulgarity she spouted, that I was forced to absorb being w/in hearing distance of them. K, "this reminds me of exactly WHY I don't want a boyfriend" A, "hah, the guys just an ass!!" K, "regardless, there's a time and place to argue, definitely not in public w/in hearing distance of others. Have some courtesy for those around you, and respect for yourself, com'on. Everyone knows how embarrassing it is to argue in public, it's very uncalled for and disruptive. If one does argue, do it in a smiling manner so others aren't bothered by it, but keep the noise down, because if people do hear what you're arguing about, the façade is up! " – my personal take. But of course I have been guilty of arguing in the past in public, w/ who one might ask? …Yelling at my 13 yr old brother… uncalled for and disruptive needless to say, yet they're actions w/ a mind of their own. I can't help but scold at him if he does something wrong, regardless of time or place. Discipline is necessary and can not wait. But intimate relationship problems can wait until you get to the car of in private, for the sake of others, if not your own. My dislikes for Monday never ceases to amaze me or amuse me… So, our lecture in traditional classic Chinese stories went a bit like this:: Content of Discussion: "Pearl Strewn Shirt" By: Feng Meng Long **suggestion: read the story, it is extremely good.** --The story plays a part in my purpose of writing about it, but not so much as to confuse the reader if (s)he doesn't know the story— Main point: Homosexuality in classical times (Plato, Gladiators, Samurai) of Greece, Rome, Japan & China. Greece: older men of status could have their liking with any type of man, as long as they were younger Rome: any man not of Roman Citizenship could frolic with other males Japan is like Greece, as China is like Rome (explanations may be necessary) Japan: Older males were rather playful with young males ages 13 – 18, 20 at the oldest, anything older than 20 was not seen as worthwhile, for they have lost their childish attraction, beauty, sexuality. China: (keep in mind, Confucianism may or may not have played a part) It is said that there is immense text about male homosexuality in Chinese classical literature (I am baffled) but very few of lesbianism until the contemporary times. Male homosexuality was so rampant, Emperors were said to have had their fun as well… *Yin Reng of the Manchu dynasty, favorite son of Kangxi was said to enjoy browsing in slave markets searching for young boys to have sex with* – now this is historical proof nonetheless If Emperors were doing this, need I say more for the others? ****Disclaimer: not everything may be 110% correct, do your research first before disclosing to others****

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

literally, BLIND dating

this would be a most interesting experience and a great marketing tool as well. But in another perspective, kind of scary... i mean I do base a lot on aesthetics. even if it were temporary blindness, the result of meeting a potential boyfriend who wasn't up to par aesthetically would alter or influence my decision, even if he had a great personality, thus becoming friend rather than boyfriend. but not everyone is as shallow as me i guess... maybe shallow isn't the right term to justify my wants. I just have my standards. Yes, that's right, not shallow, but rather my standards are set, and presently I'm unwilling to change them. But enough about me, this article was quite uplifting, to know that there's new innovations to the dating world is quite entertaining. Gives a new look to people for like me... haha no pun intended :)

Hippo in OCeaNS!

so, dance all night and got great exercise for my legs and buttocks @ ocns tonite 4 Jenna's nursing program fundraiser...

dancing, dancing, dancing...

wobbly, Large black top w/ sz 12 pants girl steps up on the black lacquer boxes by the elevated level near the dance floor. I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she drunkenly and zealously steps up, eager to bounce to the beat of the music, then another towards the edge while her arms wave fervently in the air ass if her oily head of disheveled hair was ablaze and a fumingly hot handsome fireman was standing in front of her, waiting to extinguish that red blaze and passionately bless her mouth. But...just as she takes that Confident step towards the brink of no return, i turned my head, danced for 1 second and, SPLASH the Hippo has walked the plank and soiled my freshly done face with her WiDe ArsH! My head turned to seek retreat, but my heels stole any chance of balance or steps and I saw my soiled face falling helplessly towards that dirty, sticky, grotesque white tiled floor... Time betrayed me and worked double speed. My hands reached out desperately for help and ThanK Dustin for placing hope in my hand and Catching my fall. It was like living a drama, except all the conditions were wrong and just blatantly Wrong! ... No Charming Dashing Prince caught my fall, just a friend that I met... my twisted glasses and soiled face would've condoned the Hippo falling on me, if the reward was exceedingly worthwhile, but fate dealt me no Ace, rather a Distasteful cursed, 4...Sadness... But as life would have it, I fixed my glasses, received caring words although no sorry at all, and continued dancing, only to be bumped by a few other people. But as luck would have it, my dancing friend was smart and kind, and strategically tried to maneuver me away from all the other animals determined to leech on me.

Thank you Dustin... No thanks to Jenna cuz she thought it was funny. Hmm, but I must say, I do laugh at other's misfortunes as well so, what can I say? Nothing really.

Hope you the avid reader finds amusement in my beautifully aligned fate, and beware of Drunken Hippos...they are dangerous!!!! Especially when walking a plank they so enthusiastically stepped onto!

Good night, I must retire and rest my eyes now.

blogs

I've always understood the need for journals, blogs, diaries, etc. But never felt the need to humor myself and keep one as well, until now. I suppose there was never anything interesting enough happening in my life for me to announce it to the world or any one other person for that matter. Now, I wish to share my life-learning experiences with everyone I know (maybe not every1). It's like what Confuscius once said, "complete the task so one can speak from experience". I've completed things worth speaking about, but to write about them seems too time consuming. Isn't it enough that I know? When I contemplate that question now, the answer is obvious. Of course it's not enough, I want to tell the world. I need to record it, so that when I have amnesia or Alzhimer's I have something to look back on and smile about.
It's like history for any country or any thing existing in our plane, it's history needs to be recorded or the future or even our selves won't know the origin, and when that moment arrives, sadness and regret will follow.
Now that I have convinced myself the importance of a blog, all I need is the diligence to upkeep this website. Where does diligence come from? Exciting events in life. So I guess I need to make my life more exciting, take more chances and do outrageous things... even if I get killed... right? We'll see where the line stops..